I went to church today, as I always do. I always go to church, because I'm a worship minister. I like church, so I don't have a problem going to church. Besides rambling on and on about church, let me take some time to mention a recent event in my life that I feel needs mentioning.
Just to put it out there, so everyone can know where the underlying tones of depression, grief, and anger come from when they read my blogs: my younger, much younger, brother, Alex, commited suicide December 16th, 2004 at the age of 13--freakin' thirteen years old. Yes, that old. It kind of, well it does, change your life. It makes life seem so sh-- (crappy!) You know how you have your own life pictured; your wedding, your graduation, your job, your kids, everything; and, the pictures make this motion picture of life. Now, picture it (this is what mine looks like) with missing frames, missing scenes, blurred images, and burnt holes in the film itself. It makes the movie suck. Hence, life is sh--y. I'm trying to censor myself for the sake of everyone else. I would much rather use profanity when I get upset. Anyway, I just had to put that out there; put it on the table; lay out the hand of cards; take off the "fig leaves."
This is taken from my ourmedia.org blog which I felt should be posted in my real blog. I just thought that it should be here displaying my life for what it is, no censorship of hardships or triumphs. They all place a mark on our thread or fabric life, just adding to the marvelous design of our eternal fabric. So that is why I choose to add my brother's death in my blog. It surely doesn't make me happy--very sad, in fact.
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